I am doing it all and failing hard at everything

This year I thought I would make the best out of a terrible situation. Corona hit and everything that we thought we knew about our lives, our way of thinking, our world, our routines, were all thrown up in the air. So it was now or never. The world had shattered, and there was room for renewal. It seemed like an opportunity for a clean slate. To scrape all of the muck away from the plate and start anew. I was to jump into the unknown and never look back. So I quit my day job to follow my dreams. And a year later, I feel like I am drowning. I have watched hours upon hours of YouTube videos on how to succeed, how to make it happen, how to follow my dreams, be a writer, start an online business, buy houses, invest, become a millionaire. I have eaten and eaten, stuffed myself to the bursting point at an overwhelming buffet of people who try to steal your time by selling you a dream, a fantasy. And we are all drinking from the pool of promises and wishes like thirsty travelers , lost in a desert. We roll around in the sand, and the ones who make it are mirages of infinite pools of water, glittering far, far away. There are too many people telling you to start an online business, there are too many people who want to be a successful writer, a coach, a guru. I have spent days, nights, months on trying to achieve my dreams. I have bought a tiny, dilapidated house, because that was the investment, I could afford. (It cost less than a used car, I am using a camping toilet and there is no hot water) I feel isolated and overwhelmed by moving to the country side and I am learning to renovate a house alone. I have started two online businesses that don’t make any sales. And now my happiness is controlled by the numbers of my followers, by how many views I get on my shop. I spend my days watching videos on how to grow an audience on Pinterest, on Facebook, on Instagram. Who benefits from all of our wasted hopes? They do. When we pour our time into these sites in the promise of earning a couple of dollars, and they take huge cuts and profits. I have become obsessed with numbers, with views, and I know that the coaches would tell me to change into an abundance mindset. There is plenty of money, opportunity and happiness for all of us. But we are so many people in this world. We all want to be seen, to be heard, to be read. And even though the hope has faded, even though I am exhausted, there is still a voice in the back of my head saying, if you just push a little harder, if you devote yourself more, then everything will be okay, my dreams will become reality and I too will become a mirage of hope, dreams and an example of a person with a life well lived. Do you think that will ever be true?